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Lots of support and friends isn’t going to cut it. The more confident that you are, the more likely you are to be in a loving relationship.If you find yourself going back and forth breaking up and getting back together, you might start to recognize a pattern. If your partner is toxic in your relationship now, it will not get any better and someday you will look back and realize how much you invested in a standstill relationship.Realize that you cannot change other people but you can stop letting another person be hurtful to you. This person does not define who you are even though they may try to control you or destroy your self-confidence.You will have to be the one that finally says enough is enough and you are done being treated this way.

Am I giving way more to the relationship than X?
When the relationship is so unhealthy that you don’t even know why you’re with that person, you might want to get out as soon as possible.

If you find yourself going back and forth breaking up and getting back together, you might start to recognize a pattern.

No sugar coating here. Your partner may be like a drug and you feel like it is almost a chase to get them to be who you want them to be or you hope they will be. You need rest and solitude.The other day I used the bathroom at a friend’s home and on the bathroom door were posted all kinds of affirmations like: “My Life is full of loveliness, passion, tenderness, surrender and flowing with DIVINE LOVE”; “My Life is full of play and humor and overflowing with RADIANT HEALTH”; “My Life is COURAGEOUS and FREE”; and “My Life is FULL OF MIRACLES.” I came out of the bathroom and said, “Wow, I feel much better.”Ideally, you shouldn’t need anyone to complete you. Spend less time with the other person in your relationship. Life after a toxic relationship is like recovery in a way. Spoiler alert though — you will live through it! Go check out this questionnaire if you are still confused. Then you need to be able to identify it and step away from anyone or anything that will bring you back to that self-destructive path. You may be feeling emotionally vulnerable. Instead, the ouch is bigger, the hole is wider, and they are feeling the way I do when I see a Tom Cruise movie: bad.My affirmations these days are “I have a good heart” and “I mean well,” especially when I get guilt trips about not giving more to a relationship.Be prepared to dry off as you step out of the river of Denial. The stuff is contagious. Be present.

So, you have to look out for yourself instead.

Do I come away consistently disappointed by X’s comments and behavior?

But it may be time to make some healthy adjustments. You are stronger than you think you are and you can move on and actually will feel much happier when you have cut ties completely.Once you make a decision, stick with it. Ask yourself these, for starters: Do I feel energized or drained after I spent an hour with X? Get another opinion from people who know you the best.

With a shift in mindset, experience and expectation, the resources you use to stay and to blind out the seething hopelessness of it all can be used to propel you forward. If you question why you’re even together with your significant one, it’s a clear sign that you’re in a toxic relationship. You may not want to hurt the other person but there may have been times that they hurt you pretty badly. Even if you can't conceptualize your life without that person, with time and distance, you'll be able to see the relationship for what it was: toxic as hell. If I get two or more of “I feel like crap, like I am a weak and pathetic person,” then I know that I’m enmeshed in a toxic relationship that I should consider tossing out. You may keep mentally giving your partner one more chance and you keep thinking that he or she will get better in this toxic relationship. You have to decide that you cannot back out on this again and continue to take your partner back because there have not been any positive changes in your relationship.Try to get past the idea of being scared of change.

Truthfully, this may be the hardest work you’ve ever done. Be careful, take care of yourself, and get help if you need it. Do not let a lack of self-confidence from your partner breaking you down keep you from wanting your freedom back and out of this toxic relationship.